I have come to realise that “self” is a big entity that needs a lot of exploring. It may only be a four letter word, but holds a lot of power. It is what builds an individual, breaks a nation, separates friends, builds relationships, shapes careers, discovers new inventions, learns a new culture, understands feelings, belittles people to mention but a few. Human Beings are born and shaped to understand this one thing self. You do notice that it is added onto a number of adjectives to describe more; selfish, unselfish, selfless, self-centered, selfward, or as pronouns; herself, himself, itself, myself, oneself, thyself, yourself. This is because it either describes a person or is used by the person. It is one word that can be used to describe itself without losing meaning.
Why do i bring this up? I have been on journey to understand what is my purpose on this earth and that sent me to so many religions (Catholics, Anglicans, Bahai, Buddists, Muslims). When that did not give me the answer i wanted, i moved into all kinds of self help books, fiction books, which only confused me the more. I then resorted to watching movies and understanding characters not the story, and also studied “cold reading” people to understand behavior and thinking. Did i achieve and understanding to my purpose? No- I wasn’t helped at all. What i then resorted to was understanding the one thing i enjoyed doing as a child. You do realise that the stage when you are still young is the most honest stage you will ever be, It is at that age, even when you do not realise that your mind tells you what it is you should be doing with your life, what you enjoy doing, what irritates you, your strengths and ability. Look at the ages between 5-10 years, pick the activity you enjoyed the most or the dream you foolishly mentioned.
At the age of 7, I told my parents i wanted to be a Police Detective, i enjoyed the show “Inspector Derek” and my life revolved along solving puzzles and bringing justice within my neighbourhood. I hated games that had no meaning because i didn’t see the end game, (skipping games, dodgeball, running, any sport activity) i did not understand the feeling of winning, i wanted a tangible result. I enjoyed hide and seek, shooting down birds, building grass-thatched houses, planting crops(didn’t matter were as we didn’t understand agriculture then), building box cars. I understood when i was still young that i wasn’t the ordinary girl that enjoyed playing with dolls, idle talk, mundane tasks. I was a result-oriented child, i played with the boys as young boys are inquisitive and so was I.
I replayed this memory recently and learnt quite a lot about myself. I learnt that i love to work a puzzle and i get pleasure when an answer is gotten. I learnt that i am a target worker and i love results. I learnt that i am a strong-willed individual with strong emotions to injustices. I learnt that I love outdoor activities. I learnt that i love working with my mind and hands. I then related it to the work and life i currently live now and realised that i was giving little attention to the things i enjoyed to do. I was working full-time on a desk with no opportunity for fieldwork, i was doing repetitive work, i was stuck in one field and utilising just 1/8th of my abilities. I then realised that i should be the Police Detective that i dreamt to be as a child. I did not take it literary but i am fighting against social injustices. I work to help the poor achieve financial inclusion and i do this through fieldwork, report writing, desk review, recommendations of policies on financial inclusion. I am now developing my work around my love for solving puzzles, and fighting injustices. The Puzzle,- “how do we end poverty”, the injustice-“Financial Inclusion for all” I live by a philosophy of Thoreau, “what i begin by reading i hope to finish by acting” I hope to keep practicing this philosophy and i know i will be attaining my purpose on this world.
I do hope i have helped you on a path to understanding YOURSELF, without the struggles of books and religion, but through simply understanding “what was” that leads you to “how should you be”.
Missverticallychallenged's Blog 